I spend so much of my time criticizing myself. Anyone else guilty of this? In fact, it wasn’t until I noticed Oliver was down on himself and his own language was critical, that I realized how my self-talk (you know, the things you say to and about yourself) was negative. I was modeling by example and it was not the most healthy example. Seeing how this was effecting my child, I decided to make a change.
I started looking to the healthy (and happy) minded people in the world and noticed this common thread. These people seem to do three things, 1) They live in the moment, 2) They live in a state of gratitude, and 3) They give themselves permission to be and live in these positive ways. I am certainly not here to reveal any great secrets that haven’t been divulged already. I am also perfectly (and often) fallible in the process of implementing this thinking. Sometimes in fact, I am just downright grumpy.
Today, however, I am feeling downright triumphant! Empowered to a 10! Unapologetically full and yes, I feel like a damn bad-ass! My apologies for the expletives but that single phrase was everything I was thinking, summed up perfectly and on repeat in my brain. I thought to myself, when do I get to be proud of me, in this moment, for this big life I am braving? Right now, today, I celebrate! Celebrate with me, think I am shamelessly bragging, stop reading now…whatever you think or do, I give myself permission to share with wild-abandon!
(Note: It still feels weird and slightly inappropriate to, eh hum, brag?!)
This morning as I packed, hitched, and moved my camper, I felt in the pit of my gut this empowering, almost raucous feeling. It was bubbling to the surface, ready to burst, my mental strength feeling at an all time high. Almost a year of owning the Lolly Wagon and my efficiency at hitching, moving, and backing her into almost any space, suddenly felt solid and incredible.
In this moment, I sat back and looked at my life. I am a single, full-time Mom. I am self-employed–not taking over the world, but not doing too badly either. I have a beautiful tribe of friends that support me and have my back. My darling boy is healthy and happy and talks to me about all his things. I made an unpopular and daring decision to change our lives. I attempted something I felt strongly about, and damn if we are not making it work!
Today when I was packing and preparing to move my camper from a friends driveway where I was house-sitting, there were half-a-dozen men working on the lawns. All the while they were corner-looking me, never once did they come over to help. I am not saying this to be in any way critical of them. To be frank, it was a major compliment! I did not need help. I knew what I was doing. I raised the tongue of my 30 foot camper, backed my truck in perfectly lined up with the ball, lowered and properly attached my load, and pulled my truck and home, out of a tight space, around another large trailer holding lawn equipment, and out to the lake. At the lake, I backed her in, leveled her out, and hooked her up. SOLO! By myself! With ease!
I don’t celebrate this enough. I love the life I am creating! What a tremendous feeling to be doing this, not completely on my own, but in some way, very much so in my own strength. I am under zero illusions that I am creating it without the love, support, and assistance of friends and family. Their help is everything. Their help shows me that they trust me, that they want to see my success, that they believe in me, and I think the best way of repaying their kindness is to make the very most of the legs-up I am given, to be and feel like the bad-ass that I am!
…bravely pushing the publish button. Another bad-ass moment?
Coming soon in Lolly Wagon news: New floors go in Saturday and then the real interior transformation begins! I should be sharing a LOT more in coming weeks.